There's No Crying In Baseball

The Dodgers DID clinch the NL West. I didn't give up drinking, but neither did I get wheeled out of the stadium on a stretcher like that other girl near us. And if beer were miles, then I would've run pretty far this weekend.

Boom.

(like this, only for 13.1 miles)

Now Egge's in the mix and there's no turning back. I don't care if it's for glory or taco bell or some third thing, the Pacific Northwest is about to get into it. Since Ally is only doing this because I am, there's even a chance I'll give up drinking to focus more on my marathoning goals and not make her sacrifices meaningless. History will decide.

Here's A Guy That When He Runs, He Goes Faster

Tomorrow is the two month countdown to the battle in Seattle. In taking the advice of the great humanitarian John Madden I'm not going to worry about the horse being blind, just going to load the wagon. Starting this week I will have actual progress reports. Probably of whether or not the Dodgers clinched the NL West, but progress reports nonetheless. Get excited because this is going to be Cool Runnings-level inspiring.

I Ate A Cheesecake, I Took A Nap, What More Can One Man Do?

Out of the goodness of my heart and in the spirit of teamwork I invited fellow marathon hopefuls Christian and Grant to participate in this blog. Their lack of enthusiasm was such that I have no choice but to doubt their commitment to excellence and athleticism as a whole. I guess I learned why there's no "I" in team and it's because fuck them, that's why. I don't need them to the extent that they're now a Garfield joke, and I think we all know there's no recovering from that.

Enjoy the lasagna of my dust, losers.

No That Was Dwayne Zachemore

Thankfully the weather has dipped below triple digits so I can get out of the gym and take it back 2 the streets. "But Meryl," you say, "Jared Leto as Prefontaine would work through the heat stroke." Maybe, I would respond, but he would also form vanity band 30 Seconds To Mars and beg, every day, for me to punch him in the mouth. Being Jordan Catalano cannot atone for every sin.

Around The Block In 80 Days

Well the LA marathon is out because it's pretty much on my sister's "wedding day," whatever that means. Instead of a touching homage to the sacrifice and endurance vital to any marriage it is apparently grounds for "estrangement," which, again, whatever that means.

I will now be participating in the Pasadena Marathon a full month earlier (February 21, 2010). Same distance, same principle of run for a long time until you are finished.

Christian Nelson, Everybody

CN: The only good thing about running a marathon is you can eat SOOO much lava sauce the next day

CN: and not even feel guilty

me: I'm serious. Hardcore training starts... tomorrow.

CN: Hell yeah.

CN: What will that involve

CN: bagel bites?

SURPRISING TWIST

I have just agreed to the Seattle half marathon with Christian as training. Is there no limit to my ACHIEVEMENT??

AND SO OUR HERO'S JOURNEY BEGINS

THE GAUNTLET HAS BEEN THROWN.

And no, not by anybody from the Real World or Road Rules, or any challenge thereof (I love you, Coral). No, these have much humbler, less reality TV origins. It is entirely possible that I got drunk maybe a little bit with my father, and we are now running in the LA marathon. First person to the finish line wins bragging rights for all time, which means goddamn everything.

There's no turning back.

There's no backing down.

There's a possibility that until I find greener pastures, Eli is my coach.

Now you're like, oh hey even with your crippling handicap of being a girl surely your youth will compensate for your father's extreme old age. And normally you'd be right. But you see, after he gave up being an athlete for pursuing whatever he also maintained his "physical achievement" quota by being a marathon runner. Don't you worry though, I've got 5 months. 5 months and this new blog to keep track of my progress. Staple your pants to your legs, because this is going to get real fucking exciting.